Food=Love; or How I found Validation in a Cookie.
Mother's day has come and gone.
I can't say it's ever been a 'big' holiday for me, though.
My relationship with my own mother...well, the words that come to mind right off the bat are 'tumultuous' and 'contentious'.
I spent a large chunk of my life simply wondering if my own mother liked me. Later, I did everything I could to get on with her; trying so very hard to find those common denominators that would magically bring us together.
Maybe it's because I came along when she was still relatively young. Then again, my half-sisters were treated much better than I'd ever been, and as my husband points out, I quickly found myself in the role of second-class citizen in our family.
But seeing my friends with their moms...showing love and affection, and a general interest in their children's lives...my own parent's inability, or unwillingness, to do the same was rather obvious.
Two of my aunts, my mother's sisters, have commented that my mom cares more for her dogs than her own children.
Scary thing? It's pretty accurate.
I tell myself that after thirty-#(^)#(@_# years, I just don't care. I shouldn't need, or seek, her approval any more.
But despite those statements, I still find myself searching for a sign of 'good job', or 'well done' from her.
I don't expect it, which is why Saturday provided such a surprise.
I'd told my mom about my chocolate chip cookies. That I'd finally found that perfect combination of flavor and texture.
And since she was going to be visiting, I made a batch so she could try one.
We took a picnic lunch to a park, with the cookies serving as dessert. I handed one to my mom, just before she took off with Alex for the swing set.
Ten minutes later, I realized she was on her way back when I heard these words:
"That was the best chocolate chip cookie I've ever had"
Admittedly, I was in shock; but I think my reaction went something like this:
(fists clenched, arms in air) "Yes!"
This from a woman who's not just a chef, not just a pastry chef; but someone who's been involved in the food industry since the 1970's.
"Best I ever..." carries a bit more weight, yes?
And that's how I finally found validation, albeit in a cookie.
Blog Party#10 is this Saturday, and this month we're having a Garden Party! Cute little sandwiches, and that perfect cup of tea...won't you join us? Entries are due 18 May, this Thursday....can't wait to see you there!
Tagged with: Food and Drink + Moms + Relationships + Family + Cookies