Tea & Sympathy

Sliced Gin & Tonic Cake

WandaVision gave us the line, "What is grief, if not love persevering?"

I'm no stranger to loss*.  And I've often felt as though my heart was just a bit too big, a smidge too squishy. 

I feel things.

Over the last couple of months, I've been feeling a lot.
Anger.  Bafflement. Frustration. All having a little parade in my soul.

But grief has been leading the way. 

 

Cordon Bleu Bites

 

Adult friendships are different. 

When you're a kid, especially if you grow up in a small town where not only does everyone know everyone else, you're very likely to run into a relative while out and about.

You form those friend-bonds early.  You learn everything about each other. If they have brothers or sisters. What their parents are like.
Your stories are the same, your stories are different: you got sent to a summer camp for a week because your parents would rather cough up the money than actually have to, you know, parent you. They went to Disney with their extended family.

You know each other's likes and dislikes.  Who got chicken pox first, and who's parents were most likely to invite everyone over to catch it (seriously, it was a thing).

But when you're an adult, and an adult in the online world in particular, you often skip over all of that.

You're drawn together by common interests and the friendships grow from there. 

And you can be the absolute Best Of Friends while not knowing huge swaths of information.  "Oh, I didn't know you had an older brother!"

That's ok.

 

Mini Yorkshire Puddings with Roast Beef & Horseradish Crema

 

These grownup friendship will also, often, be conducted through emails, texts, social media. Tagging each other on cool posts, sending an "I saw this and thought of you!" message. Short, but showing that you're always on each other's minds.  That you matter. They matter.

If you're lucky, there will be longer, catch-me-up phone calls or lunches. Reconnecting. Learning new things.
It always feel easy.  You part feeling good. About each other and your relationship.

 

 

Crumpets

Mary -  Breadchick to many of you - was one of those friends.

We met when we were older, through those early food blogging days. It turned out that she had the same book I was using for Wartime Wednesdays!

Our friendship grew. Highs and lows.  I knew she was always there for me, and I would have done anything for her.

When this disease really started to take over, I was feeling...I don't know.  Helpless.  Overwhelmed.  Useless.  Suddenly, I was unable to do some of the most basic tasks. Forget about anything 'big'. Everything felt out of (my) control.

I try not to let that show, but she saw through me and asked, "What is one thing you'd really like to see done?"

Ha. Oh, my. That list was as long as Santa's.  But I replied, "Getting Alex's room cleaned up. It's a hazard zone in there.

And Mary, well she took a few day's vacation, booked a hotel near us, and worked on that kid's room.

I sat on a chair on the other side of the doorway and we caught up as she worked through the OHMYGODWHATAMESS.

It was more than she could do in the time she was here.  It was a good start.

But what mattered was she was there for me. 

However long I live, that's what will stay with me.

Lemon Shortbread Cookies

Mary and I did most of our communicating through Twitter (RIP).  We'd talk about everything - food, Alex, our pets, her love life, golf. 

I stopped using the evil site awhile ago, but would check in on her (I did eventually get her to join Bluesky, phew).  

But I noticed she wasn't posting as much.  Not a huge concern, life is chaos. 

There was some brief back and forth, followed by 'Big life changes! Will email soon!'. 

...That email never came. I tried her on various platforms. I emailed.  I even had Matt send a text (I am text-averse).  Nothing.

I just had this feeling of dread. I couldn't find my friend.  One of my best friends. 

I searched for her name online. I found nothing.

Until I did. 

A company that knew and worked with her (she was a brilliant audio engineer; you've probably been in a stadium or hall she'd set up) posted a tribute to her.

And that's when I learned that my friend was gone.

Mary Cook aka Breadchick died in early September**. 

I didn't find out until early October. 

I was, am, heartbroken.  And pissed. An entire month went by, and I had No Idea.

One of my favorite people was gone. 

And every day since, I've thought about or been reminded of her.

Part of her Christmas gift I'd already bought.

The nifty mid-century Halloween house decoration we got.

Updates on Alex.

She's with me.  Except she's not.

 

Gin & Tonic Cake

Mary and I loved tea, and tea culture.  We'd gift each other vintage tea cups and saucers. She'd come up for a visit and I'd set out a little tea party. 

She would also come up for International TableTop Day - I'd make way too much food and the four of us would play games all day. 

I needed time. To process (not doing so well there, am I), to just...live with her not being here.

And then I put on a tea party, with some of her favorite things.

After, we played a rousing game of Castle Panic.

She would have loved it. 

* Ask me about the Birthday Curse
** It's a real thing